CHAPTER 1 : Max

I'm Max. The mirror is my second worst enemy; the first is my face. I'm actually surprised that I'm able to look at myself without vomiting. Although, sometimes I can't help but let a tear drip down these cheeks. Hello, fugly, you disgusting and unlucky eyesore. Why were you born with just the right amount of disproportionate on your near disfigured and fully hideous face? Max, did the sperm and egg let itself create such an abomination such as yourself and let it out onto the world? How could nature do such a horrible thing to both me and the rest of society? Yeah, obviously, I was exaggerating; there's no need to explain that my emotional teenage self was melodramatic when it's quite obvious to everyone. So, if you're just gonna comment, "Oh, you were just being dramatic; it's not that bad," shut the up. We all know. Regardless, that's what I said to myself because that's mostly what you feel if your face is like mine. Ugly. So, who are you? Big nose, big ears, big lips, big forehead, small eyes, small lips, gross teeth, flaky scalp, bad hair, too fat, too skinny, acne, blemishes, boils, blots, bald spots, weak jaw, oily skin, dry skin, hairy skin, no chin, too tall, too short, uneven features, or otherwise an unproportional sort of body and face. I ask, who are you? Because you know this is how you've been identifying yourself for so long. If you feel anything like me, ugly to the point where your insecurities are driving your mind down deeper than the lowest depths ever meant to subsist within the world. It sure as hell doesn't help how I never had a girlfriend, let alone any friend of the opposite gender and sexuality that would let me know that they find me cute. Because apparently, no one did. And even the people who told me I was were always related to me and 30 years older than I was. I really do appreciate you all trying to quell my self-esteem issues, but should you really be lying to me just to make me feel better? I'm not going to be reproducing with any of you anyway, so this is pointless. The best I ever got by someone I liked or even found slightly cute was average, and I think that correctly sums up exactly what I was: average. A plain stain on the world with no attractive aspects whatsoever. You're just not my type. More like you're just not attractive enough for me. That's what that means because if I was, they would have at least given me the chance to get to know them. Most of them almost certainly had no goddamn idea what actual kind of person I was. The girl in the example I just gave definitely didn't. Her name is Claire. I was able to make Claire constantly laugh. I was one of the few people who respected Claire. I was always giving my gum and pencils to Claire. I did my best to help Claire with all of her homework and assignments. I tried texting and talking to Claire, but did she like me? Of course not. She liked the douchebag Joey who bullied me back in elementary school because he was what she described as hot. Okay, okay, whatever. It got to the point where I started believing that this was what all the world cares about: your looks. Every instance involving these circumstances kept proving my hypothesis right. Is it just a coincidence that almost everyone popular in my school is good looking? Or is it because that's what people care about? Is it just a coincidence that most people who got all the nice and flirty customers at work were good looking? Or is it because that's what people care about? Is it just a coincidence that people with better jobs that make more money are good looking? Or is it because that's what people care about? Is it just a coincidence that almost everyone famous in popular culture from actors to musicians are good looking? Or is it because that's what people care about? But Max, there are ugly people who make it big, and those people are only good looking because they have good money and stuff. If they didn't have all that money, then they wouldn't be as good-looking. They couldn't afford to pay for braces and hairdos and stuff. I understand that. But look at the majority of the circumstances I'm talking about. People do care about better looking people more often than ugly people. It's in our genetics, and it's just how we operate. As you can see, this kind of mindset kept digging deeper into the insides of my psyche. And with this thought process came my understanding of why I was so fiercely unfulfilled and failing in my life. No matter how hard I tried, I was too ugly. At least you have a nice personality. You. Yeah, off, all of you who say that, then immediately prove yourself wrong. I treated Brianna like a queen and got rejected because she was interested in someone who is better looking, who treated her like dog. And no, people who focus on looks aren't stupid. They're normal people. Everyone enjoys looking at good-looking people. It's in our biology. That's just natural selection. The healthier we look, the better we do. Don't give me none of that saying, "Ah, looks aren't everything, Max." You think I don't know that? What I have been expressing and what you don't seem to understand is that despite it not being, quote-unquote, everything, being good-looking is integral for social prosperity. And I am not socially prosperous. I look like disease. Max sits next to Haley in forensics class. Max makes a bunch of silly jokes, and Haley laughs quite a lot. Someone on the other side of the table says, "Y'all are cute together. Maybe you should go out." Haley says, "No." Depression when you're hanging with friends or just some people, and they make random jokes or comments about your ugly appearance. And although they basically just emotionally spit in your face, they act as if they didn't just shatter your already broken self-esteem by insulting what you look like. What the is wrong with all of you? How would you like it if you were an ugly sack of crap, and I walked up to you and told you that? Are you goddamn idiots not aware of human emotions and ignorant to when you make comments like that? It's like if you had terminal cancer, and I walked up to you and told you that you're going to die. Yeah, thanks, dumbass. Have y'all ever seen other handsome and pretty people and try to exactly emulate what they do and look like, like doing your hair or putting on makeup, and then fail miserably, looking at the fugly failure you are, feeling almost non-human from your facial insufficiency. I look like I don't even belong here. I don't. So, what the is wrong with me? Am I supposed to say now? It'll get better. Looks aren't everything. At least you're funny. At least you're nice. Just accept who you are, and you'll feel better. I could just be one of those people. And while what they say is partially true, most of you know deep down that doesn't help at all. It makes you feel like 1% better while 99% of the rest of you are still unfortunate enough to continue to feel like the unnecessary spare of change with a below low standard physical embodiment. I know I was told the exact same, and I still felt the exact same. But there's no need to cry. Let's be realistic here, everyone. All of you who feel ugly, every single one of you. I'm betting my life to you that there are near limitless number of things you can do to bring yourself up to at least a 9 out of 10 in terms of looks. Even if your face has some severe disfigurement, then major facial reconstruction is still an option if you want it. I'm not even saying that as a joke. It exists for one of these very reasons. Listen to me. I am not a shallow head who's telling you to pretty yourself up. I am a fellow friend telling you that it's not impossible if you want to. If you don't, then good for you. That's fine. And for all of you people saying the world is evil, people only care about looks. Shut the up. No, the world isn't evil. Nature isn't evil. Humans aren't evil. And biology isn't evil. Scientifically, it all makes logical sense, and that's just how we operate as human beings. It is horrible that quote-unquote ugly people get the short end of the stick for no fault of their own yet still feel the repercussions of their disadvantages. I agree that is awful. But there is still something they can do about it. They can prove to their species that they deserve to be a part of it. I went every damn day of my pitiful life praying for a female to find me higher than a five in their eyes. Feeling the full lack of companionship until this very day of making this video. I still have yet to kiss any human lips. But now I have somehow managed to make myself look good enough to where I'm finally happy with myself. I'm not saying that I'm handsome or beautiful or hot or anything. But I do not feel so ugly anymore because of what I was able to fix. For me, my teeth were yellow, crooked, and I never smiled. I fixed that. My hair was long, greasy, untidy, and flaky. I fixed that. My skin was pale, acne-ridden, oily. I fixed that. My clothes were baggy, dirty, and stylish. I fixed that. My body was frail, wimpy, and scrawny. I fixed that. My face was plain, bare, and ugly. I fixed that. It's common sense. Take out what looks bad and put in what looks good. You're gonna have to figure it out for yourself. It took me 18 years of my life after experimenting with all kinds of different barbers, dermatologists, dentists, stylists, workouts, and whatever. But you'll finally find the right ones and become the beautiful being you always wanted to be if you actually do it. So, for all of you people who want to continue to feel sorry for yourself and blame your genetics and make every excuse to not do something about feeling ugly. Fine, be that way. Natural selection doesn't need people like you who not only aren't born with the right things but also aren't willing to do the right things for themselves. Maybe you'll find someone who likes you. Maybe you won't. And you probably won't with that kind of attitude. For the rest of you who realize that change is possible and the ugliness doesn't have to be permanent and that beauty is actually attainable. I believe in you and can't wait to see what you turn yourself into. And I do not mean just physically. I mean in every way. Claire showed me how to be confident. Brianna showed me how to smile. Haley showed me how to love myself. And Lulu shows me that I can be loved and that I am loved. Finally, now it's your turn, beautiful. So, toodles, you. --------------------------------------------- max walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand i want to die i'm max 911 what is your emergency hi sir what is the problem i'm alive i feel like a phlegmatic and spiritless puppet perpetuating the movements i make in the morning noon evening and night just because it's all that i'm supposed to do until the day i die let me just feel the sweet embrace of a bullet burrow into my brain till the painful strain of my lame life wanes into a blank blackness blanketing my body finally guns are fun kill me huh kill me please what in my life dude whether you're malevolently melancholy or fucking frustrated or disturbingly infuriated or have the absence of all emotion and feel so depressed that you could vertically slice your genitals in half till blood spews out of it like a fire hose then this text is made just for you die no i'm just kidding but maybe you're not kidding maybe you really do want to die and you probably do since you're still reading this text or otherwise you're at least mildly entertained by me which in that case oh my god thanks but there's still a problem the problem of feeling the everlasting desire to push a sharp object into your face if you're anything like me then you wake up wishing you were back asleep trying your very hardest to fall back into it and when you fail you'll end up spending up to an hour just laying in bed hoping you won't have to live through today but you do anyways you're a lot stronger than you think but you feel nowhere near as capable as everyone around you almost all of them look so happy look at them and at ease with everything how do they do that how are they so complete how are they so happy is it because they're talented is it because they're so attractive is it because they're so smart is it because they're so balanced is it because they're relationships what is it it seems like most mainstream average normie people are just completely unaware of the world we're looking at it almost felt like whenever i'd walk through when he plays with people they're actually happy this isn't to say i don't have happy moments i absolutely do but they're just far few instances in a long line of suffering whereas for everyone else it seems to be the opposite they're usually always satisfied with their life encountering only a few moments where they're beyond just a little sad it could be worse i could have stds all over my face be completely impoverished and homeless be in severe chronic pain all over my body or physically tortured in a pow prison cell there could be an almost infinite amount of things that could be much worse for me than they already are in fact my life is pretty fucking awesome compared to someone halfway across the world who's getting raped and killed right now and thinking about that goddamn dreadful shit doesn't make me feel any fucking better we should be thankful for what we have the fact that you're able to watch this video right now already immediately tells me that you're doing better than the majority of the world and yet we still want to die why and now that i'm thinking about it why why wouldn't we want to die we can't even find a way to enjoy life with all of our unbelievably extraordinary possessions it's almost like i should be the one being raped and killed it's almost like i deserve it since i'm not satisfied enough might as well die isis is cutting off the heads of children and throwing their bodies off of the roof of buildings in front of their families and we're over here bitching about fidget spinners and movies with emojis not to say that those criticisms are unnecessary they are i enjoy them but if you look at the world like that it's hard to even fathom caring about our useless bullshit lives when we're on the simplest stupidest smallest shit you feel me on this one guys from this side of things it's sickening to even look at humanity we hate ourselves for not being able to do anything about it and we hate the rest of the world for allowing itself to be so hideously terrifying who wouldn't hate life at that point i'm gonna be honest seeing things from that kind of lens it's hard to not want to die it is really fucking difficult you cannot live without feeling even one second of remorse for being born at least in some point in your life i'm betting everything that there is not one fully grown human being alive on this earth who hasn't wished death would take them away from this fuck disgusting place at times i don't do anything wanna die now this is the part of the text where i say it's gonna be okay everything will be alright don't cry don't cry don't give up keep going guys i believe in you and since this is that part of the video here it goes don't cry don't cry don't give up keep going guys i believe in you but where's the light at the end of the tunnel what if there is none where is the happy ending does that even exist what's the point what's my purpose i don't fucking do anything i guess it all just comes down to this if there is a light at the end of your tunnel chase that light dude but for the rest of you who have no light at the end of your tunnel the rest of you who have nothing to live for the rest of you who actually want to die like me then become that light at the end of that tunnel and i know this was the part of the text where i was supposed to show you the light at the end of the tunnel i'm doing exactly what i was satirizing about a moment ago but fuck anything else guys i want to be that light for y'all and i want you to be that light for someone else it's cheesy and sounds so stupid but fucking do it anyways you ficking you know what i mean when i say it become the light at the end of the tunnel just as i have done for some of you just as you all have done for me and just as others have done for all of us and just as you will do for someone it might be the ones you love it might be people you'll never even meet but whatever you do do not ever stop digging your way out of that tunnel your very life could be saving the pain and suffering from the people right behind you to the people right next to you to the people who are halfway across the world about to get murdered it could very well be you who saves them either directly or indirectly in whatever way that may be i'm not going to tell you to stop wanting to die because i'm not so certain how much an internet video is going to be able to cure you from whatever mental condition you have and although i want you to be the happiest you ever could be you're going to need to do more than just reading this text if you need help go get it if you want to save lives go do it if you want to mean something incredible and start meaning something incredible if you want to die then you better save this world before you actually do because then you wanting to die wasn't such a bad thing after all i don't want to die i want to die for something i believe in i hope you do the same unless it's something bad don't fucking do that stupid shit don't do bad things Chapter 2